Today I won and lost a temp job, for who knows why. I am leary of this agency because they have you record a video stating your background. If they don't like how you look or are maybe 'I don't want black people in my office.' Guess what? I miss they days of them calling you and telling you where and when to show up and you do, and they have no choice but to take you. Now if they are racist they can exercise that beforehand and screw you out of a job, quietly. First it was a three day assignment, then he 'gave it to someone else'. I didn't bother asking why. Because I already know why. Now I'm waiting to hear about a month long assignment. But I have the feeling it's going to be more of the same. He tells them they have a candidate that fits, they say cool. He sends the video and they don't call back. I don't have time for this shit.
I thought maybe I would look for background work in the meantime. Central Casting notoriously rarely has castings that include all ethnicities. I see one for tomorrow. I call, they 'can't use me'. Most likely because it called for upscale, and I am not a size 0. I hate everyone right now. Crazy cramps, so I have been tylenoling all day. Trying to not go over the recommended amount. My bff loaned me a twenny so I can ride the bus for a week and get some apps in some hands. Hopefully I won't be cramping as badly so I can get some stuff done tomorrow.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
bleh
It's never fun to be hormonal. But lately it's been really overwhelming and starting earlier and earlier. I ache all over and feel depressed and hopeless and have a million things to do. It's annoying because I feel like I wanna blow up my life, but I can't. Then my mom calls while I'm trying to complete a long application on line. I hate her having my phone number because she calls and calls about nothing. Just because she's bored. I can't speak to her during the week right now because I am looking for a job. I felt like this all weekend too. I wanted to get a bunch of sewing done, but simply didn't feel like it. Plus the air wasn't on in the house so I was sweatting in my room which didn't make me want to do anything. I finally did finish a jacket on Monday but I hated how it turned out and want to take it apart and start over again. I don't have the energy for anything. Bleh.
I am going to take a break from trying to date. I just don't have the patience right now for anyone new. Most of the men I have been meeting lie about what they want. I don't want to deal with any extra stress or bad feelings right now when so much needs to be accomplished. It will sound like an excuse, but I want to change considerably so I can date a better class of guy. I worry about losing weight constantly, but because of my stress levels, and lack of money eating healthy is out of the question. I eat what I can get for free from the food pantry. Which is nothing raw. Lots of pasta and sauce, sometimes frozen chicken or ground turkey. But mostly it makes me tired after. I had this fantasy of graduating and then spending all my down time while looking for a job working out, juicing and eating veggies and fruit. Hilarious! As time passes I get more stressed, and now I have to worry about my phone being turned off and no one being able to reach me by phone to ask me for an interview.
I broke down earlier, cried and laid on my bed. I got back up and kept typing and making phone calls. It's 2pm, and I want to go to bed. But I haven't eaten a meal yet. I have had a few mini cookies and water. I have cramps, what do you expect.
I keep thinking that things will work out but the hormones are saying otherwise.
I am going to take a break from trying to date. I just don't have the patience right now for anyone new. Most of the men I have been meeting lie about what they want. I don't want to deal with any extra stress or bad feelings right now when so much needs to be accomplished. It will sound like an excuse, but I want to change considerably so I can date a better class of guy. I worry about losing weight constantly, but because of my stress levels, and lack of money eating healthy is out of the question. I eat what I can get for free from the food pantry. Which is nothing raw. Lots of pasta and sauce, sometimes frozen chicken or ground turkey. But mostly it makes me tired after. I had this fantasy of graduating and then spending all my down time while looking for a job working out, juicing and eating veggies and fruit. Hilarious! As time passes I get more stressed, and now I have to worry about my phone being turned off and no one being able to reach me by phone to ask me for an interview.
I broke down earlier, cried and laid on my bed. I got back up and kept typing and making phone calls. It's 2pm, and I want to go to bed. But I haven't eaten a meal yet. I have had a few mini cookies and water. I have cramps, what do you expect.
I keep thinking that things will work out but the hormones are saying otherwise.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Despicable news....
The little one came into my room today to tell me that due to the sale of the agency office, the women and children in the other house are being kicked out in two weeks so the office can be moved into their house. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The women and children just went through 6 or so weeks of hell due to their being bed bugs in their house. A tent was put over it last week for the extermination to be done, and not two days later this?
I am homeless. I live in a transitional housing program that I will not name. It's in Los Angeles, and run by a church. We get lots of bible study every week, and we are expected to get out there and get jobs, and get on our feet.
I graduated from fashion college 7 weeks ago after 4 years of study. I sacrificed everything to chase my dream of being a designer and costumer. I came to LA to work in the film industry and also because 90% of my friends moved here as well. I crashed on a friends floor the first year and 4 months then they got bed bugs so I had to get out; and I came here. I've been here a year and 8 months and now I am looking for a job. Now any job because I really need to be free again. There is a 10pm curfew and 11 on the weekend. Random drug and alcohol testing. Even though I am in my 40's if I want to have some wine with dinner with my friends, I could be randomly tested, and if I come back dirty for alcohol I get kicked out.
Los Angeles is the homeless capital of the nation. There are 80,000 people on the streets at any given time in this city. This agency was helping with this issue. We used to live in a bigger house and each have our own rooms; but were forced to give up that house for a smaller one and now we all share rooms. Except for me at the moment. I have my own room, with a childs bunk bed, that kills my body because the mattress is made for a child. I wake up aching and in pain everyday, feeling like i'm ready for the nursing home. I can't complain because I have a bed to sleep in and my own room. I just can't wait to sleep in a real bed.
I'm really upset at this news that the women and children are being asked to leave to make room for the office. It's despicable to do. I find it hard to believe there aren't any other alternatives for the office situation. Seriously? Naturally I start to think that we're next. That the single women will be thrown out on the streets and the women and children will come live in our house. I am trying to block all of that out. I have been furiously searching for work but since Monday is a holiday, many people are unavailable today, Friday will be a joke trying to contact anyone. I have to get a full time job, paying $12 or more so I can be out of here in a few months for good.
I have several on line businesses that I have been trying to grasp for the better part of a year. Between school and work, I had hardly any time to study them. Now that I have tons of free time I have no income coming in. Unemployment said I didn't work enough hours in 2013 to get a check every week. General Relief says they overpaid me so I can't get that anymore. I have no financial aide left over, no credit cards. And $2 in the bank. If there is 'a moment' this must be it. I wanted to disconnect from the welfare department completely. No food stamps either. I eat stuff I shouldn't. Like lots of pasta, which is the quickest way to become diabetic these days. I am working without a net so to speak. I want it that way because I don't want to be at anyone's mercy anymore. Having to fill out reports, go to 'job finding' classes for dummies, declare income to get $125 a month in stamps. Fuck them. I want more out of my life. I intend to get it.
In the meantime I work audience for television shows for cash. It's been pretty steady the past three or so weeks. But the money isn't great. It's getting me by. But more has to happen. I seriously want to be able to give this amazing testimony about being homeless and going to school for my passion and then turning everything around. My life has been too crazy and unreal for it not to have an amazing ending.
I am homeless. I live in a transitional housing program that I will not name. It's in Los Angeles, and run by a church. We get lots of bible study every week, and we are expected to get out there and get jobs, and get on our feet.
I graduated from fashion college 7 weeks ago after 4 years of study. I sacrificed everything to chase my dream of being a designer and costumer. I came to LA to work in the film industry and also because 90% of my friends moved here as well. I crashed on a friends floor the first year and 4 months then they got bed bugs so I had to get out; and I came here. I've been here a year and 8 months and now I am looking for a job. Now any job because I really need to be free again. There is a 10pm curfew and 11 on the weekend. Random drug and alcohol testing. Even though I am in my 40's if I want to have some wine with dinner with my friends, I could be randomly tested, and if I come back dirty for alcohol I get kicked out.
Los Angeles is the homeless capital of the nation. There are 80,000 people on the streets at any given time in this city. This agency was helping with this issue. We used to live in a bigger house and each have our own rooms; but were forced to give up that house for a smaller one and now we all share rooms. Except for me at the moment. I have my own room, with a childs bunk bed, that kills my body because the mattress is made for a child. I wake up aching and in pain everyday, feeling like i'm ready for the nursing home. I can't complain because I have a bed to sleep in and my own room. I just can't wait to sleep in a real bed.
I'm really upset at this news that the women and children are being asked to leave to make room for the office. It's despicable to do. I find it hard to believe there aren't any other alternatives for the office situation. Seriously? Naturally I start to think that we're next. That the single women will be thrown out on the streets and the women and children will come live in our house. I am trying to block all of that out. I have been furiously searching for work but since Monday is a holiday, many people are unavailable today, Friday will be a joke trying to contact anyone. I have to get a full time job, paying $12 or more so I can be out of here in a few months for good.
I have several on line businesses that I have been trying to grasp for the better part of a year. Between school and work, I had hardly any time to study them. Now that I have tons of free time I have no income coming in. Unemployment said I didn't work enough hours in 2013 to get a check every week. General Relief says they overpaid me so I can't get that anymore. I have no financial aide left over, no credit cards. And $2 in the bank. If there is 'a moment' this must be it. I wanted to disconnect from the welfare department completely. No food stamps either. I eat stuff I shouldn't. Like lots of pasta, which is the quickest way to become diabetic these days. I am working without a net so to speak. I want it that way because I don't want to be at anyone's mercy anymore. Having to fill out reports, go to 'job finding' classes for dummies, declare income to get $125 a month in stamps. Fuck them. I want more out of my life. I intend to get it.
In the meantime I work audience for television shows for cash. It's been pretty steady the past three or so weeks. But the money isn't great. It's getting me by. But more has to happen. I seriously want to be able to give this amazing testimony about being homeless and going to school for my passion and then turning everything around. My life has been too crazy and unreal for it not to have an amazing ending.
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