bleh

It's never fun to be hormonal. But lately it's been really overwhelming and starting earlier and earlier. I ache all over and feel depressed and hopeless and have a million things to do. It's annoying because I feel like I wanna blow up my life, but I can't. Then my mom calls while I'm trying to complete a long application on line. I hate her having my phone number because she calls and calls about nothing. Just because she's bored. I can't speak to her during the week right now because I am looking for a job. I felt like this all weekend too. I wanted to get a bunch of sewing done, but simply didn't feel like it. Plus the air wasn't on in the house so I was sweatting in my room which didn't make me want to do anything. I finally did finish a jacket on Monday but I hated how it turned out and want to take it apart and start over again. I don't have the energy for anything. Bleh.

I am going to take a break from trying to date. I just don't have the patience right now for anyone new. Most of the men I have been meeting lie about what they want. I don't want to deal with any extra stress or bad feelings right now when so much needs to be accomplished. It will sound like an excuse, but I want to change considerably so I can date a better class of guy. I worry about losing weight constantly, but because of my stress levels, and lack of money eating healthy is out of the question. I eat what I can get for free from the food pantry. Which is nothing raw. Lots of pasta and sauce, sometimes frozen chicken or ground turkey. But mostly it makes me tired after. I had this fantasy of graduating and then spending all my down time while looking for a job working out, juicing and eating veggies and fruit. Hilarious! As time passes I get more stressed, and now I have to worry about my phone being turned off and no one being able to reach me by phone to ask me for an interview.

I broke down earlier, cried and laid on my bed. I got back up and kept typing and making phone calls. It's 2pm, and I want to go to bed. But I haven't eaten a meal yet. I have had a few mini cookies and water. I have cramps, what do you expect.

I keep thinking that things will work out but the hormones are saying otherwise.