Rhetorical Anger

As per usual I spent the day calling the shelter. As per usual the people I wanted to speak with were 'unavailable'. This is really pissing me off to the point where I really want to do one of my notorious pop ups. It's more like a pop up and sit in. I sit there till someone tells me what I need to know. These people work in a field with people who are in crisis and homeless, then dodge them all day? I am really getting to the point where I am about to really get in people's faces. I can't take this treatment weeks on end. Do they even wonder where I am when they are dodging me? If I am safe? If I have a place to stay? Do they give a fucking greasy shit? I am so tired of squatting. Of course my inflatable bed is half deflating. The top half where my upper body and butt is started losing air. The bottom half with my legs, full of air. So I flipped upside down to sleep. My feet were in a ditch even though I put one of my pillows in it. There is a pump, but I don't know if there is a leak or not. I want to sleep in a bed!

I want to take a shower every night if I want to. If there is a super hot day, I want to shower after without using my gas. My boss mom came to visit and gave me a nice perfume set. I thought that was nice of her. No one has given me anything like that in a thousand years. A teacher once bought me Bill Blass when I graduated my vocational class. That was like 20 some odd years ago. 

I did a bunch of drawings for the women's line last night. I have to find black zippers for my new motorcycle jacket. I think I want a nice pastel linen motorcycle jacket. Our meeting with the guys who want to license us is in two days, and we have to straighten this place up. It's not bad, but it's not good either. It's a tiny workspace. 

I have been craving new clothes like crazy. But I want to start losing weight. I can't wait for the weight to come off. That's all I dream about. That and my new boyfriend. Whomever he may be. 

Tomorrow I will make more phone calls. HopefullyI won't be here ten more days. My rapid rehousing appointment is on the 15th. I doubt it will be something that happens ironically; rapidly. It would be great if it did.

But I am on the low end of the homeless totem pole.

Not mentally ill

not a mother

don't have HIV or AIDS

not on drugs

not fresh out of rehab

not fresh out of prison

not fleeing domestic abuse

not a veteran.

All of these people will get housed before me.

I need help and no one gives a shit.