Saturday, August 22, 2015
Today's SOC rant.
You people are unreal. Tell me one biopic that tells every single thing about an artist. Movies are only so long, you can't talk about everything or we'd be in the theater for 5 and 6 hours at a time. It's really petty that you can sit and watch a great film about a group that rocked the world to it's core, but then say 'well it's not perfect because they didn't show dre beating women'. ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS? Then when he says he's sorry it's not enough. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. The film had a goal, and it met that goal. If you start going into one members personal life, then the other members are like 'so this is a movie about DRE huh?' and you got people salty and production held up, and the movie takes 6 years to get made because the script spent too much time on one member and not the others. It was a collective. They did a great job of keeping the story even and focused on the music. But yall aren't screenwriters or producers so you wouldn't understand the importance of that.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
I love my job..
No I really do. It's weird to feel happy to go to work. The shop is super hot but I don't care. I have a fashion job, working for the coolest chick ever. I love her clothes too. I have potential to move up in the company too because it's still small. I am willing to work hard and make things happen for the label.
We are still getting organized, and trying to create a work flow that is smooth and effective. However lately post offices have been out of supplies we need for shipping. So today after packaging orders in the cellophane we had to schlep them to the post office in a bag and pack them there. It was very time consuming. Afterward we are walking through little Tokyo and Knox (my boss) decides to do a freestyle rap about how tired we are as we walk. She includes me in the video and I am walking behind her. I see the video later and I don't even recognize the person in the video behind her as me. WHAT THE HELL! I don't usually wear makeup to work because A.) it's hot as hell in there and all I do is sweat. and B.) I'm on a tight budget anyway, so I don't want to waste it. But I was okay with being on film with no makeup. My hair is horrible right now. Plus my weight is out of control. I was mortified. It's weird to be so happy with who you are as a person, but see yourself second hand and really be disappointed with what you see. I can't really wrap my head around it. But I get why some guys seem so disappointed to meet me in person, if this is what they see too.
I have a ton of work to do on myself as far as my weight. I started taking raspberry keytones again. I bought two bottles a few months ago and took them and they worked. Pants I couldn't wear fit great. But I ran out of money so I gained the weight back. The sort of annoying thing is when I start to lose weight I lose it in useless places like my underarms, or the creases by my thighs. I get these calcium knots there that fill with fluid because of the suddenly loose skin plus friction. There is one way up on my inner thigh that is huge and won't budge. It doesn't hurt or anything. It's just this big marble sized lump full of gunk. I notice more cellulite forming, which is bad because it's cellulite. Good because it shows my body is changing.
Now that I get paid every week. I can get two bottles every week so I never run out for the time being. When I get some REAL money flowing, I will step up my regimen. I have been living on junk food. I know I have. Pizza, burgers and hot dogs oh my.
I am crazy exhausted when I get off work so I go and pick something up. The pizza place on the corner gives you a medium pizza for $7 with 6 toppings. I get one and eat off of it for a couple of days. Making it to the grocery store after a long hot day, and an hour and a half bus ride is out of the question. I really need to be cleansing hard core. But the idea of not eating doesn't appeal to me in the least. I think juice plus fruit and raw veggies and some REAL exercise regularly would help. I got my grokker site saved on my computer. Think about getting back on daily burn too. Changing by myself is hard. But it has to be done. Working where I work is inspiring. Everyone is super young, so they have yet to experience their bodies changing as they get older. But the clothes, and sneakers, I want them. I dream about them. I want to look good in them. I want to be able to roll with the crew and look fly too. Everyone of course thinks I am 30 anyway. If I lost 100 lbs, I would be in there. It's all happening. I just have to get serious.
We are still getting organized, and trying to create a work flow that is smooth and effective. However lately post offices have been out of supplies we need for shipping. So today after packaging orders in the cellophane we had to schlep them to the post office in a bag and pack them there. It was very time consuming. Afterward we are walking through little Tokyo and Knox (my boss) decides to do a freestyle rap about how tired we are as we walk. She includes me in the video and I am walking behind her. I see the video later and I don't even recognize the person in the video behind her as me. WHAT THE HELL! I don't usually wear makeup to work because A.) it's hot as hell in there and all I do is sweat. and B.) I'm on a tight budget anyway, so I don't want to waste it. But I was okay with being on film with no makeup. My hair is horrible right now. Plus my weight is out of control. I was mortified. It's weird to be so happy with who you are as a person, but see yourself second hand and really be disappointed with what you see. I can't really wrap my head around it. But I get why some guys seem so disappointed to meet me in person, if this is what they see too.
I have a ton of work to do on myself as far as my weight. I started taking raspberry keytones again. I bought two bottles a few months ago and took them and they worked. Pants I couldn't wear fit great. But I ran out of money so I gained the weight back. The sort of annoying thing is when I start to lose weight I lose it in useless places like my underarms, or the creases by my thighs. I get these calcium knots there that fill with fluid because of the suddenly loose skin plus friction. There is one way up on my inner thigh that is huge and won't budge. It doesn't hurt or anything. It's just this big marble sized lump full of gunk. I notice more cellulite forming, which is bad because it's cellulite. Good because it shows my body is changing.
Now that I get paid every week. I can get two bottles every week so I never run out for the time being. When I get some REAL money flowing, I will step up my regimen. I have been living on junk food. I know I have. Pizza, burgers and hot dogs oh my.
I am crazy exhausted when I get off work so I go and pick something up. The pizza place on the corner gives you a medium pizza for $7 with 6 toppings. I get one and eat off of it for a couple of days. Making it to the grocery store after a long hot day, and an hour and a half bus ride is out of the question. I really need to be cleansing hard core. But the idea of not eating doesn't appeal to me in the least. I think juice plus fruit and raw veggies and some REAL exercise regularly would help. I got my grokker site saved on my computer. Think about getting back on daily burn too. Changing by myself is hard. But it has to be done. Working where I work is inspiring. Everyone is super young, so they have yet to experience their bodies changing as they get older. But the clothes, and sneakers, I want them. I dream about them. I want to look good in them. I want to be able to roll with the crew and look fly too. Everyone of course thinks I am 30 anyway. If I lost 100 lbs, I would be in there. It's all happening. I just have to get serious.
Enough is enough...
The housing issue has about a 87 day clock on it.
A friend who used to live here contacted me to say the women's house that she manages has a women and children's house that needs a manager. The rent would be free and they would pay my phone bill. I would still have my own room, and only two women with their children would live there when the time came. I would be there alone till that happened. The house is further south, kind of in the hood. But it could be a temporary solution for now. She told me to come down Tuesday afternoon and meet with the director.
I went down and the whole story changed. There is a manager there, and they are 'seeing if she works out' for the next 60 days, so then I would have to move into the program as a resident? Into a small room with two other women and a tiny closet. They don't have a storage shed in back, so I would have to store my stuff. I share a storage with some friends, but I don't have the code. My friend does, and her father and last living parent just passed away and she is grieving right now. I don't want to bother her. The last thing I want is to go back into a program, and start at the beginning. Being on restriction for a month, can't go to my own church for a month? The house is a two story house, it made me feel claustrophobic. I had no intention of being in the program, just managing. No intention of paying them rent to be crammed in a room with two other women. THIS PART OF MY LIFE NEEDS TO END. I pretended I was going to move in in a week. I'm doing no such thing. It's time for me to be on my own. Even if I have to rent a room someplace else. As long as there is a lock on the door, and no convicts living there or drug addicts. But I can do much better than that.
My on line businesses are all set to launch in the next week to 10 days. It would be amazing for all of that to finally move into place.
Each morning where I live we have morning devotions. We read from the bible and a small book about women of the bible. As we all know all the women in the bible were treated like garbage. I get so burned out on the whole 'she was so beautiful that so and so had to have her.' The patriarchal choke hold on women gets old real quick. We had a Wednesday night bible study for a month about Esther, and the queen before her caught hell for not traipsing through the castle naked at the drunken kings request. (eyeroll) This king calls all the pretty girls from the kingdom in to find a new queen and has sex with all of them, ruining their lives because they are no longer virgins, so then they have to live in the palace as his concubines for the rest of their lives. I CANT DEAL WITH THIS SHIT DAY IN AND DAY OUT!
So yesterday morning we read about Bathsheeba who was raped by king David, and her husband murdered by him to cover up that he got her pregnant.
Today was Tamar, David's daughter who was lusted after by her half brother. He talks about being in love with her. But he rapes her, then decides after that he hates her and has her thrown into the streets to be humiliated for having been raped. Her other brothers demand their father do something. But since David himself is a rapist, he does nothing. A couple of years go by and the other brothers murder him to avenge Tamar. But Tamar's life is over because she isn't a virgin..
ENOUGH!!!!!!
I don't need to wake up in the morning and read this shit! I can't take anymore of this! This isn't edifying to my spirit! This isn't uplifting to me as a woman. We all know what is in the bible, going over and over and over this stuff does not make me feel great. I don't need to go over with a fine tooth comb the rapes and patriarchy. I am tired of reading it. So we had the Tamar story in the bible, then we were supposed to open the small book and READ THE STORY A SECOND TIME! I put my foot down. I said I'm not reading that a second time. Once was enough. The manager was like 'Yes we do.' I insisted I be excused.
Of course this had to go up to the pastors. But, much to my surprise, they agreed with me. So the morning devotions will change. But that's beside the point.
ITS TIME FOR ME TO LEAVE THIS PLACE!
A friend who used to live here contacted me to say the women's house that she manages has a women and children's house that needs a manager. The rent would be free and they would pay my phone bill. I would still have my own room, and only two women with their children would live there when the time came. I would be there alone till that happened. The house is further south, kind of in the hood. But it could be a temporary solution for now. She told me to come down Tuesday afternoon and meet with the director.
I went down and the whole story changed. There is a manager there, and they are 'seeing if she works out' for the next 60 days, so then I would have to move into the program as a resident? Into a small room with two other women and a tiny closet. They don't have a storage shed in back, so I would have to store my stuff. I share a storage with some friends, but I don't have the code. My friend does, and her father and last living parent just passed away and she is grieving right now. I don't want to bother her. The last thing I want is to go back into a program, and start at the beginning. Being on restriction for a month, can't go to my own church for a month? The house is a two story house, it made me feel claustrophobic. I had no intention of being in the program, just managing. No intention of paying them rent to be crammed in a room with two other women. THIS PART OF MY LIFE NEEDS TO END. I pretended I was going to move in in a week. I'm doing no such thing. It's time for me to be on my own. Even if I have to rent a room someplace else. As long as there is a lock on the door, and no convicts living there or drug addicts. But I can do much better than that.
My on line businesses are all set to launch in the next week to 10 days. It would be amazing for all of that to finally move into place.
Each morning where I live we have morning devotions. We read from the bible and a small book about women of the bible. As we all know all the women in the bible were treated like garbage. I get so burned out on the whole 'she was so beautiful that so and so had to have her.' The patriarchal choke hold on women gets old real quick. We had a Wednesday night bible study for a month about Esther, and the queen before her caught hell for not traipsing through the castle naked at the drunken kings request. (eyeroll) This king calls all the pretty girls from the kingdom in to find a new queen and has sex with all of them, ruining their lives because they are no longer virgins, so then they have to live in the palace as his concubines for the rest of their lives. I CANT DEAL WITH THIS SHIT DAY IN AND DAY OUT!
So yesterday morning we read about Bathsheeba who was raped by king David, and her husband murdered by him to cover up that he got her pregnant.
Today was Tamar, David's daughter who was lusted after by her half brother. He talks about being in love with her. But he rapes her, then decides after that he hates her and has her thrown into the streets to be humiliated for having been raped. Her other brothers demand their father do something. But since David himself is a rapist, he does nothing. A couple of years go by and the other brothers murder him to avenge Tamar. But Tamar's life is over because she isn't a virgin..
ENOUGH!!!!!!
I don't need to wake up in the morning and read this shit! I can't take anymore of this! This isn't edifying to my spirit! This isn't uplifting to me as a woman. We all know what is in the bible, going over and over and over this stuff does not make me feel great. I don't need to go over with a fine tooth comb the rapes and patriarchy. I am tired of reading it. So we had the Tamar story in the bible, then we were supposed to open the small book and READ THE STORY A SECOND TIME! I put my foot down. I said I'm not reading that a second time. Once was enough. The manager was like 'Yes we do.' I insisted I be excused.
Of course this had to go up to the pastors. But, much to my surprise, they agreed with me. So the morning devotions will change. But that's beside the point.
ITS TIME FOR ME TO LEAVE THIS PLACE!
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