No I really do. It's weird to feel happy to go to work. The shop is super hot but I don't care. I have a fashion job, working for the coolest chick ever. I love her clothes too. I have potential to move up in the company too because it's still small. I am willing to work hard and make things happen for the label.
We are still getting organized, and trying to create a work flow that is smooth and effective. However lately post offices have been out of supplies we need for shipping. So today after packaging orders in the cellophane we had to schlep them to the post office in a bag and pack them there. It was very time consuming. Afterward we are walking through little Tokyo and Knox (my boss) decides to do a freestyle rap about how tired we are as we walk. She includes me in the video and I am walking behind her. I see the video later and I don't even recognize the person in the video behind her as me. WHAT THE HELL! I don't usually wear makeup to work because A.) it's hot as hell in there and all I do is sweat. and B.) I'm on a tight budget anyway, so I don't want to waste it. But I was okay with being on film with no makeup. My hair is horrible right now. Plus my weight is out of control. I was mortified. It's weird to be so happy with who you are as a person, but see yourself second hand and really be disappointed with what you see. I can't really wrap my head around it. But I get why some guys seem so disappointed to meet me in person, if this is what they see too.
I have a ton of work to do on myself as far as my weight. I started taking raspberry keytones again. I bought two bottles a few months ago and took them and they worked. Pants I couldn't wear fit great. But I ran out of money so I gained the weight back. The sort of annoying thing is when I start to lose weight I lose it in useless places like my underarms, or the creases by my thighs. I get these calcium knots there that fill with fluid because of the suddenly loose skin plus friction. There is one way up on my inner thigh that is huge and won't budge. It doesn't hurt or anything. It's just this big marble sized lump full of gunk. I notice more cellulite forming, which is bad because it's cellulite. Good because it shows my body is changing.
Now that I get paid every week. I can get two bottles every week so I never run out for the time being. When I get some REAL money flowing, I will step up my regimen. I have been living on junk food. I know I have. Pizza, burgers and hot dogs oh my.
I am crazy exhausted when I get off work so I go and pick something up. The pizza place on the corner gives you a medium pizza for $7 with 6 toppings. I get one and eat off of it for a couple of days. Making it to the grocery store after a long hot day, and an hour and a half bus ride is out of the question. I really need to be cleansing hard core. But the idea of not eating doesn't appeal to me in the least. I think juice plus fruit and raw veggies and some REAL exercise regularly would help. I got my grokker site saved on my computer. Think about getting back on daily burn too. Changing by myself is hard. But it has to be done. Working where I work is inspiring. Everyone is super young, so they have yet to experience their bodies changing as they get older. But the clothes, and sneakers, I want them. I dream about them. I want to look good in them. I want to be able to roll with the crew and look fly too. Everyone of course thinks I am 30 anyway. If I lost 100 lbs, I would be in there. It's all happening. I just have to get serious.
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