Enough is enough...

The housing issue has about a 87 day clock on it. 

A friend who used to live here contacted me to say the women's house that she manages has a women and children's house that needs a manager. The rent would be free and they would pay my phone bill. I would still have my own room, and only two women with their children would live there when the time came. I would be there alone till that happened. The house is further south, kind of in the hood. But it could be a temporary solution for now. She told me to come down Tuesday afternoon and meet with the director.

I went down and the whole story changed. There is a manager there, and they are 'seeing if she works out' for the next 60 days, so then I would have to move into the program as a resident? Into a small room with two other women and a tiny closet. They don't have a storage shed in back, so I would have to store my stuff. I share a storage with some friends, but I don't have the code. My friend does, and her father and last living parent just passed away and she is grieving right now. I don't want to bother her. The last thing I want is to go back into a program, and start at the beginning. Being on restriction for a month, can't go to my own church for a month? The house is a two story house, it made me feel claustrophobic. I had no intention of being in the program, just managing. No intention of paying them rent to be crammed in a room with two other women. THIS PART OF MY LIFE NEEDS TO END. I pretended I was going to move in in a week. I'm doing no such thing. It's time for me to be on my own. Even if I have to rent a room someplace else. As long as there is a lock on the door, and no convicts living there or drug addicts. But I can do much better than that. 

My on line businesses are all set to launch in the next week to 10 days. It would be amazing for all of that to finally move into place.

Each morning where I live we have morning devotions. We read from the bible and a small book about women of the bible. As we all know all the women in the bible were treated like garbage. I get so burned out on the whole 'she was so beautiful that so and so had to have her.' The patriarchal choke hold on women gets old real quick. We had a Wednesday night bible study for a month about Esther, and the queen before her caught hell for not traipsing through the castle naked at the drunken kings request. (eyeroll) This king calls all the pretty girls from the kingdom in to find a new queen and has sex with all of them, ruining their lives because they are no longer virgins, so then they have to live in the palace as his concubines for the rest of their lives. I CANT DEAL WITH THIS SHIT DAY IN AND DAY OUT!

So yesterday morning we read about Bathsheeba who was raped by king David, and her husband murdered by him to cover up that he got her pregnant.

Today was Tamar, David's daughter who was lusted after by her half brother. He talks about being in love with her. But he rapes her, then decides after that he hates her and has her thrown into the streets to be humiliated for having been raped. Her other brothers demand their father do something. But since David himself is a rapist, he does nothing. A couple of years go by and the other brothers murder him to avenge Tamar. But Tamar's life is over because she isn't a virgin..

ENOUGH!!!!!!

I don't need to wake up in the morning and read this shit! I can't take anymore of this! This isn't edifying to my spirit! This isn't uplifting to me as a woman. We all know what is in the bible, going over and over and over this stuff does not make me feel great. I don't need to go over with a fine tooth comb the rapes and patriarchy. I am tired of reading it. So we had the Tamar story in the bible, then we were supposed to open the small book and READ THE STORY A SECOND TIME! I put my foot down. I said I'm not reading that a second time. Once was enough. The manager was like 'Yes we do.' I insisted I be excused. 

Of course this had to go up to the pastors. But, much to my surprise, they agreed with me. So the morning devotions will change.  But that's beside the point.

ITS TIME FOR ME TO LEAVE THIS PLACE!