I have since left that place. I filled out an application for another place in a different neighborhood, which serves the same purpose but helps you save money for a real place. I filled out the application in May of 2015. The months ticked by and nothing. I was advised to go into their emergency shelter to increase my chances of getting into the program. So right before Christmas that's what I did.
I had to share a room with one lady. She was the coolest lady ever. She was an ex crackhead who got clean on her own. She had been on the streets, but wanted to change everything and reconnect with her 10 children. She was the coolest person, I really mean it. The emergency shelter was only 90 days; which I was sure I would get into the other transitional program. Other ladies were packing up to go over there, so I thought I would be next.
Needless to say....
I wasn't.
Suddenly there was a change of director over the program and a restructuring of the program too. For instance a lady could stay there for a year, not save a dime and then just go back out on the streets. Now they have 3 month reviews. If you aren't where you should be financially in that time either saving or getting a job or whatever; then they will kick you out before your year is up.
I'm okay with this, because I am working my fucking ass off at my job. I like it but I don't because I don't have anyone to help me. I have tons more responsibilities and no backup. I feel intense resentment sometimes. Then I blame myself for signing on here in the first place. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't find ANY decent job in 3 years! I wanted to not be homeless anymore so I had to go for it. I am going on 10 months at my job, and still not making minimum wage. I am the one trying to secure funding for the company to grow as well. I tell you I do everything. I worked out how much I am owed if I were working for $10 an hour this whole time. $11,780. That would be enough to get a decent place in a decent neighborhood with a parking space and pay 6 or 7 months ahead. So then I could actually save money. But that money is still several weeks away.
Back to the program. So my 90 days were up at the emergency shelter, so I had to find someplace else to stay. My case manager at the shelter of course waited till the final two weeks to mention finding other shelters. You should have been talking about that on the first day. So I found this other place a few blocks away, but little did I know they housed many mentally ill patients. Also had to stay 4 in a room. The woman that was in the room when I got there was SEVERELY skitzophrenic and paranoid. She heard voices who taunted her and she would get into yelling matches with them at night when you were trying to sleep. She would run in and out the room all night talking loudly to her voices. It was hard to sleep.
Then there was this woman who stalked me from the first house, to the emergency shelter and then to this place too. She ended up in the same bunk with me. She is the antithesis of the kind of woman I don't want to waste my time on. At the first house I would notice that she would say really dizzy shit. It was clear she wasn't very bright and I didn't want to hang out with her. She then took to accusing all of the people in her room of stealing from her, and each day would be in the office tattling on imaginary thieves. At the emergency shelter I didn't have to room with her, but she would make it a point to sit at my table for meals and try and strike up conversations. She would ask a million questions about your life and background and act super interested in you. I don't like strangers asking a bunch of personal questions, so I shut her down. At the first house she suggested we be roommates. I told her no. At the emergency shelter same thing, I said no again. Now here she is in my face. She immediately starts to accuse me of stealing from her. First I used her razor and put it back. Then I took her comb. She had a bag full of combs, but this ONE comb was so important to her. She went on for an hour about this comb and how she 'hates people who steal.' I have plenty of what I need, I don't need to steal. Then it was a hanger in the closet was missing. Then I was using her shampoo. ENOUGH! Every day it was something else. We had to have a mediation before I put my hands on her. The director told her if she continued to accuse me without proof then it would be considered harassment and she'd be asked to leave. The skitzophrenic woman freaked out one night and the cops were called and they took her on a 5150. But then another woman came to sleep in her place. Also with emotional problems. A week later a younger African girl came to stay on the other side of the room. Then my bunkmate switched the focus onto her and started accusing her of stealing and breaking into her locker. Every day was petty drama, like being in grade school. I'd come home dog tired and they would be bickering about some tiny thing. Then it was her coach bag was missing, then her nail kit, then her laptop. It was out of hand. But of course the twist was SHE WAS THE ONE STEALING! I had a tiny bottle of flower bomb perfume, she took it. I had bought an eyebrow shaper tool. She took it. I bought some nice bras for myself, I was wearing one she took the remaining two--by staging a robbery in our room. She was totally psychotic, and never have I completely hated anyone they way I hated her.
One day I would come back from work the first week of May and was told the shelter was shutting down at the end of the month. I'd been calling the original program the whole time and couldn't get any answers. They would ask for more paperwork, but would never tell me when I could move in. They were having issues with how I am paid. Through pay pal. It's out of the ordinary so they had to check with the higher ups if it would be okay and stay within the paramaters of the funding guidelines. The end of May turned into the 15th of May, and then that turned into Friday morning telling us we had to be out by the following day. I was waiting on TB results from the hospital on Monday, so I could stay till then. You usually need TB results to move into a group living facility. I turned them in, thinking that was the last piece of the puzzle and I could move in. NOPE! Nothing. I had no place to go.
Luckily I have the company SUV, and could pack my stuff in it and drive away. My boss let me crash at the warehouse. Then she went out of town so then I was able to crash at her place with her bro and friend Dave, and her girlfriend. That was cool. But now they have house guests staying for a week. I'm back at the shop. There is an inflatable bed here so it's not that bad. Just peeing in the middle of the night is spooky as shit. We're deep in south central and off a major road, so if I am walking out on the balcony to go to the bathroom anyone driving by can see me. I don't like that one bit. I hate it actually. If I hear a noise I am freaking out. It's just really spooky.
The director of the program I am trying to get into is gone for a week. So this week I am on my own. I've been homeless since 2011 and I am so tired of not having a place of my own, that's not a program that doesn't recognize you as an adult. I cry sometimes from anger and frustration. I wish I had someone to lean on, like a partner; but I don't. I get creative about my situation when I meet new people. Cause I could say 'I share a place' . Which was pretty accurate. Until now.
Trying to stay alive in this situation takes a lot of energy. Not having a place to store or prepare food for the past 5 months has been challenging. Being in the new program gives me a private room with my own bathroom, and kitchen access. So I can cook my own food. Raw veggies, and making salad at night! Buying them chopped at the grocery costs so much more than doing it yourself. I want to start my weight loss program, without access to a bathroom when I need it, or the proper foods I wouldn't be successful. I didn't want to waste it. But I am getting anxious for the change. To feel healthy again. My skin is peeling and breaking out. My sinuses act up at night, and my weight is ballooning out of control because I am always craving junk food. It's like I am purposely trying to get diabetes. Being in the new place will mark a new chapter of my world. If I can't get in there, I don't know what I am going to do next.
I have called every program in town. Do you know some want to charge you $550 to share a room with a complete stranger? $800 to have a room of your own? My last one bedroom apartment in Florida was $550.
There are so many empty houses and buildings all over LA. I wish I knew a guy who knew a guy....
I need help.
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