Nail biting

I had my interview on last Tuesday and they said they would be making their decision the beginning of this week. It's Monday and I am bursting to know my fate. I can't take the pressure! I want to call and ask if I got the job. There were two jobs that had those super long applications on line with like 70 questions, and both never got my application. One is closed, the other said I could do it again. I have an interview to work in a phone room today, and another for an insurance company on Thursday. I don't want either of them. But they would most likely be the ones I would get hired for. I really wanted to move away from these jobs. But I am behind on rent, and running out of everything. My friend had been helping me a little each week with a weekly pass and my phone bill. But nothing else. I got a call for a job today that paid $16 an hour for data entry, but I would have to move from location to location to do it. Which means I would need a car. Many jobs you need a car for. I want to move out, but it seems like unless I have a car to get a decent job moving isn't even going to happen.  It seems like many jobs I would actually enjoy that are fashion related want you to have a car. 

Then I started thinking. I didn't come here to be an actress. But there are so many things I could be doing if I had an agent that would pay me, would be fun, and outside of the bullshit. I would need a car tho. Work the bullshit job to get a car, and some pictures done, and send them to agents. Work hard on getting my body looking good. I feel like I don't want to not be a part of another black biopic. James Brown, Jimi Hendrix, Nina Simone, and now Richard Pryor. I could be an extra. I am dreading working in a phone room for 8 hours a day. It's like being in hell. 

later---

I called a bullshit call center job, and they told me to come in for an interview. It was the way I thought it would be. 99% black and ratchet dressed in cheap off the rack office clothing. There is loud music playing and a team leader yelling over the music with a foam finger waving in the air. Every few minutes he yells out so and so made a deal! I was so tempted to just walk right back out. But I am bleeding money. They had me read a script and hired me on the spot. I start Wednesday.  I am depressed. I really want the job with the toy company. My advisor says wait for them to call. I really want them to call. The place I live wants me to work the front desk in the morning tomorrow, so no job hunting. It is crazy hot outside too. I mean like heat stroke hot. I don't have any light colored or white clothes to wear while beating the pavement either.  I may have a good long cry tonight.