Today is my moms birthday, and we aren't that close. I talk to her as little as possible because she sometimes says the wrong shit to me and I don't need it. My mom is the queen of 'you know what you SHOULD have done was....' but can never tell you before anything happens. She is elderly and her advice can sometimes be a bit outdated. But sometimes I just let her talk because she thinks she's doing something. Today I was telling her about my frustrating job search. How annoyed I am with applying for jobs that I am qualified for several times over and not getting calls back even from agencies. I told her too, that many call center jobs want bilingual people now too. So her solution is for me to learn Spanish. I took it in high school and was very into it, and got quite good. High school wasn't fun for me, and I had a lot of problems with my mom back then. I was noticing more and more in my advanced class no one would bother doing the homework, and no one would even know how to say anything. I wondered why they were in the advanced class? I couldn't even carry on a conversation with any of them in Spanish. It was me and the teacher doing all the lessons every day. I got fed up. I wanted to drop the class. My teacher begged and begged me not to. I thought to myself too, there are no Spanish speakers in this little tiny town anyway, when the hell am I ever going to use this? I am not kicking myself or anything now. I still remember my high school Spanish. But that's what it is. Besides, why am I going to kill myself learning another language to work a job that I don't want and that will just keep me poor anyway? Eff that. If I am going to sit and learn Spanish it's because I am going on vacation to Spain. If I am going to learn a language for my job, it will be French so I can work in Paris at a fashion house, or Italian for the same reason. Or Japanese for the same reason. My mom said 'you are limiting yourself.' From what? Making the same $10 fucking dollars that got me in this fucking predicament in the first place? She will be the first to tell anyone who will listen how stubborn I am and how I am limiting myself by not learning Spanish. She can keep that bullshit. I told her so too. I know I sound like some old white man that just lost his job at the factory for 30 years to a Mexican who will work for less, but it's the principal of the goddamned thing too. I told my mom to take herself and learn how to speak Spanish then let me know how it went, and then I will think about it. I am not going to suddenly get some corporate liaison job because I speak Spanish. A slave who speaks Spanish is still a slave. Just one who speaks two languages. When we talk about coins that can lift me, then we'll talk learning another language. Until then it's deadded.
Most of the time when we talk something like this comes up , and it's always what I'm not doing right. That's why I don't want to talk to her. When she had her time to teach and mold me, she had nothing to say. Literally nothing. She would go weeks without even looking at me much less speaking. Then when I left her house she had all this advice to give. Even well into my adulthood she wanted to advise me on my job situation. How I could do this or that better. It was really annoying then as it is now. No one knows how to get under your skin like your momz..
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