This week in paranoiaville pt 2

I felt myself losing momentum this week. I spent most of my time on my laptop searching for jobs, and finding many I had already applied for. I went on a great interview last Friday and the feedback that was given was that she liked me bunches and enjoyed our time together, but feels I would be happier at the corporate level designing instead of in the store. I can't say she isn't perceptive. I would work in the store because she said that's where she started out, and where everyone usually starts out. I can't imagine getting a design position right out of the gate. But who knows? I was telling my mom about this and her advice was to do the opposite of what our advisors trained us to do. She wanted me to give more generic answers in order to get the job. I explained that we were told to express our passion for design when interviewing. Mom is telling me not to. I am done hiding I told her. I am done downplaying who I am just to get a paycheck that keeps me broke and homeless anyways. Those days are over. I have to start living my truth, and being who I was designed to be. Instead of always going back to what never worked in the first place.. 

It's new and uncharted territory, being who you want to and were meant to be and people still accepting you. I am trying to get loud not stay in a box I hate. I am trying to bust loose and be creative for a living and be around creative people for a living and have those as my friends not clock into an office and sit at a desk with squares who didn't have much vision to begin with. I don't have kids to blame this on, it's just me. For now I have a roof over my head that isn't going to roll me out onto the streets because my rent isn't paid. But the months are starting to pile up. It's getting annoying. The casting agency hasn't booked me in weeks, and there were tons of shows going on too. I even signed up for 3 more for the weekend. Curious if they will e mail and tell me to show up. You can spec, but every time I have it was a waste of time. I like going knowing I am booked and making money that day. I have nothing better to do so maybe I will go and because I don't care I'll get in. 

I want to get some sewing done this weekend and have a new outfit for church. I need a pick me up.